How To: Make small talk, the do's and dont's
Leah Lomon
Issue date: 4/25/05 Section: Op/Ed
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"The real art of conversation is not only saying the right thing at the right time, but leaving unsaid the wrong thing in the tempting moment." -Dorothy Nevill
Being a great conversationalist is often times confused with being an outstanding BS-er. I've been called both and my only retort is that you obviously can't have on without the other. So if being the master of "creative" conversation means that you're easy to talk to then who can complain? Here are a few things I've learned about people in general that have helped me almost perfect the art of small talk.
1. Know the other person's favorite topic of conversation: themselves. This may not seem right to begin with, but if you break down a conversation you've had with a mere acquaintance lately, you'll notice that everything they say comes back to them. Whether they're talking about they're kids, they're dog, or they're sickly uncle, the world revolves around them and what is happening in their mediocre lives. And just like how you could care less about what they're saying, they don't want to hear a wealth of information about you. If you have a comment or an experience that will relate directly to what they've been saying, share it. Otherwise just listen and pretend to be completely riveted.
2. Don't be afraid to make eye contact. I've known a lot of people, who for some unexplainable reason, have a hard time making direct eye contact with strangers. Looking at someone conveys many things, but most importantly interest, respect and your own state of mind. What reason would anyone have to be afraid of looking at a stranger? If its because you're terrified of making the wrong first impression, isn't that a little backwards? If you look them in the eye and then have to see them again (which is a rarity with people you make small talk with) they're not going to remember you as the creepy person who looked at them. But if you don't make any kind of eye contact at all they're likely to only recall how you had shifty eyes and looked nervous and high strung.
Being a great conversationalist is often times confused with being an outstanding BS-er. I've been called both and my only retort is that you obviously can't have on without the other. So if being the master of "creative" conversation means that you're easy to talk to then who can complain? Here are a few things I've learned about people in general that have helped me almost perfect the art of small talk.
1. Know the other person's favorite topic of conversation: themselves. This may not seem right to begin with, but if you break down a conversation you've had with a mere acquaintance lately, you'll notice that everything they say comes back to them. Whether they're talking about they're kids, they're dog, or they're sickly uncle, the world revolves around them and what is happening in their mediocre lives. And just like how you could care less about what they're saying, they don't want to hear a wealth of information about you. If you have a comment or an experience that will relate directly to what they've been saying, share it. Otherwise just listen and pretend to be completely riveted.
2. Don't be afraid to make eye contact. I've known a lot of people, who for some unexplainable reason, have a hard time making direct eye contact with strangers. Looking at someone conveys many things, but most importantly interest, respect and your own state of mind. What reason would anyone have to be afraid of looking at a stranger? If its because you're terrified of making the wrong first impression, isn't that a little backwards? If you look them in the eye and then have to see them again (which is a rarity with people you make small talk with) they're not going to remember you as the creepy person who looked at them. But if you don't make any kind of eye contact at all they're likely to only recall how you had shifty eyes and looked nervous and high strung.